Mind's Blank

My mind was blank; I am surely that are the feel which like to burst out at any moment. But I had to stop it from doing the usual thing that I used done when I get the feel. Instead of throwing it all out, I planned to stay shut with fully in a silent mode without any words and actions. I somehow realized that went i burst out, it’s really seem doesn’t gave me any good effect and known to more worst may give a lot of disadvantages toward myself and others.

What I am trying to say here I were actually want to try out of me to speak about what am I feel right now by writing my essay in English instead of straightly explain it in my mother tongue. It were tough for me to write this in foreign language! I really don’t know how to describe my sentences by using the correct words. Somehow I read it back and it’s actually was right but yet I have changed it and thought it was going into better usage of words but then it’s actually without me knowing they got went out totally wrong. Sad isn’t? Manage myself trying hard not to have any mistake by writing what my mind was up to in English were totally hard rather than I wrote in Malay.

But I am really sure that without any practice and without any constant motivation, I must be done it more rather than not achieving anything right? Yes! Surely I should do more on this for next time, so that I am in correct place in improvising my foreign language especially in basic grammar that I supposed to be good at it during primary school.

As you can see my writing here, I still not sure that either is it already correct or not especially on the grammar. I managed not to do any careless mistake; therefore I recheck it as many as I can so that it looks in better way of sentences what I have written it down. I can be surely that the grammar mistakes were still there. Ha-ha. I even don’t know how to make it sound perfectly right even automatically helped by the Microsoft system here. Why it is so hard for me to write it down perfectly like I used to write in Malay? Why sometime I can’t even felt it that what I have wrote was beautiful and straightly can be understood by others.

Truly, I felt horrible. I also felt that I am the worst after all, and even the younger can do better than me. The worst, they can do it excellent! I am really get jealous when I saw them speaking in English without any fear in their eyes and fluently pronounce all the words and moreover they have a neat timeline of what they wanted to say in front of everyone. And i am sadly were the most pathetical person whose don’t know how to speak it out clearly and as the matter of fact, in front of all people I had spoken what I does not mean to speak.

How I am supposed to change this bad habit during me myself speaking in English? How??

Ok, this is just the beginning of me. Sooner or later, I will help out myself to write it in English more often in a better way of sentences.

p/s- don’t get so serious what were actually blowing in my mind.

Ok that it is~ chou!