I Try To Let It Go PART 12

Trying to put myself in meditation zone more than i have done...

Rehabilitation my own heart...

Get used to something, someone, some places that i don't want to be with...

it hurt me to stay strong...

it deeply have made myself in pain...

To stay at same place which kept hurting me is not worth..

Deep i try not to keep the "thing" by myself...

Trying to find the way out of it...

Trying to put some effort in stay stronger, so that it can be the same peace that i used to have...

Find someone who can give me their opinion... 

Find someone who can help me without ask for payment...

Find someone who willingly give courage for me to make the "thing" out of world...

the "thing" that we shouldn't have in out daily life...

I need get myself out...

Out and go for something new...

Close the door behind my back, 

and Open the new one in front of me...

Stay with new thing..

Make myself change to something that new and am not used to be...

me myself, Change to something that the "thing" can't see me again...

Change to something that make me more available to be myself without  any feeling of guilty to do something that i like...

to do something that i love...

to do something that beyond my passion...

to do something that others don't...

to do something... yes... something different than being particular me!

I ask God "what actually do you want me to know about world?" 

i pray to God "Dear God, am not that strong enough to hold the circumstances and obstacles"

i ask God again " why don't you give it to other just as same as me hold it right now, so that i can have friend hold the same situation, so that i can share to people who understand what i facing right now?"

I still have no idea what exactly the "thing" up to,

I still clueless why the "thing" should survive...

The "thing" has corrupt many others people heart include me...

I tried to run... 

I tried to ignore...

In the mean time... 

It keep chasing me...

What influence the "thing" choose me as it's prey?...

Am Nothing, Am weak, I beg the "thing" to make itself stop chasing me...

I want to ignore it for the whole of my life time...

p/s - soon or later the "thing" shall be Nothing. am hoping for my own changes. 

"Stay Strong, Be patient, Keep Calm"

that's all for today! chou~~